Paul Sanders

Hello,

My name is Paul but what I want people to know more than anything is this: What I did is not who I am.  Theres not alot of hope for a man like me in prison.  In fact, the one and only hope I have left is the hope that I might find a female to write to, to talk to, to simply be there.

There are almost 2000 men here where I am yet I have never felt more alone.  Ive been here since 2004 and I doubt I will see my release date in 2054.  I’m 57 now which would make me 89 were I to live that long.

In 2004 I committed a murder.  Yes I did it.  In fact, I pled guilty.  No deals, no trial, no nothing.  I simply took responability for what I had done.  I was addicted to crack cocaine for most of my adult life.  Of course its not an excuse but had I not been doing drugs I would not have done what I did. 

What Im looking for is simple. Im looking for someone to help me feel human again.  This place is awful.  Im surrounded by “men” who act and treat each other like animals.

When I was clean and sober I was a good man, a good dad and a great friend.  I love anything and everything to do with being outdoors.  I love to go fishing, bow hunting, camping, riding motocyles and I listen to only country music.

I would love to find a female who likes some of the same.  To be honest, I also like yard sales, romance novels and tear jerker movies.  I even like going to bingo nite.  Of course that was all before I came to prison.  Now, I sit in a 8 foot by 10 foot cell 24/7.  Since the pandemic we are not allowed out of our cells except for a shower twice per week.  We even get fed in our cells.

The average person on the outside has no clue as to what its really like in here.  What you see on TV doesnt even come close.  

They say there is someone out there for everyone.  Well, after eighteen yrs here Im really starting to wonder if that statement is true.

I have an adult daughter with three young kids on here own.  Two, of which have special needs.  She is a single mom so she has no time for anything other than her kids and work.  She and her kids deserve so much more than what I can offer from in here.

Im kind, gentle, open, honest and sincere.  I never take anything for granted these days.  Especially the small simple things.  Things like hugs, the sound of a childs laughter or the way the soft cool grass used to feel beneath my bare feet.  

I believe we as human beings were not created to be alone.  Right now, Im all alone.  I sit here day after day with nothing more than my thoughts.  Guilt, shame, remorse and regret.

Im only asking for a chance to show you the man I truly am.

Would you like to be a real gift/blessing in mans life?  Would you like to be cherished, respected and appreciated?  If so, write to me and lets get started.  I know the definition of true friendship.  Let me prove it to you.

I only want to feel as if I matter.  All it would take for me to feel that is a few minutes of your time, a pen and some paper.

I would love to find a woman who will share with me her hopes, dreams, thoughts and ideas.  Are you her?

Sincerely

Paul Sanders

B27632

P.O. Box 99

Pontiac, IL. 61764